Presenting my compliments.

When you are in a group, in a social situation, what voices are running through your head and where do they come from?
Do you feel stuck out on a limb, out of your comfort zone, not good enough, not prepared enough?

Let me tell you a secret. We all feel like that on occasion, but some are better at not letting on!

The truth is, we all have things about us, little ways, little quirks, that pull us down and make us feel inadequate. The trick is to not let them run our lives, or even ruin our lives.

Easier said than done I know.

I have spent years dwelling on my bad points. I am a master at the deflected compliment, those ones where someone thanks you or says something good about you or what you’ve done and you then say “so and so should really have the credit”. Partly we do this because we feel someone else DOES deserve the credit but mostly because we don’t like having attention drawn to us so we try to hide.

It’s a pity. The Complimenter genuinely appreciates us but by deflecting their appreciation we make them feel awkward….

I am also highly skilled at putting myself down, particularly when it comes to my appearance. Whenever it comes to a situation where I have to eat in front of others like the Alpha course I’m at this evening I usually make a joke of my size. It’s protection in a way, get in before others do with a mean remark, show I can laugh it off. The honest truth is I don’t laugh it off. It saddens me.

I have lovely friends, they never say unkind things about me, it’s just me, incessantly.

There are voices from my past that stay with me. They say things like “You’ve always been overweight. You’d be prettier if you were thinner. ”

Do you know what? I hate feeling like this, I’m bored of pity parties.

I’m a good person, a loving, loyal person. I’m not exactly where I want to be but I’m making firm plans to get there.

I want to stop listening to that background tape of critical voices that’s been part of my life for so long. I want to possess just a little eensy bit of faith in myself.

Here’s to learning new voices….

Suzi.

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3 thoughts on “Presenting my compliments.

  1. You are so right. Those of us who have low self-esteem, always have those voices in the back of our mind that are screaming at us, confirming our fears, and inflicting emotional pain that ensures our low self-esteem stays low. As long as we give these “voices” a platform, we will forever be in that vicious cycle. Personally, I think you are absolutely beautiful, and I truly mean that. No matter what size you are Suzi, you truly are beautiful both inside and out. I hope you will give my voice a platform in your psyche. I will stomp the hell out of those evil voices that feed your low self-esteem. And I hope you will give Jesus’ voice a platform in your psyche, because he thinks you are absolutely perfect.
    >

    1. Thanks P.J. That’s a beautiful thing to say! I just need to not give the bad voices house room. I know God and other people love me, need to learn to love myself. Thanks again for your kind words.

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