I once made the rather rash fauxpas of confiding in a skinny friend that I had gained weight. After a lengthy pause you could have sailed the Titanic through she looked at me in confusion and said “Why?”. Bearing in mind that it’s rather frowned upon to hit people in church I cast anxiously around in my mind for a correct response…
A) Wild horses sat on me and force fed me chocolate pralines
B) My only exercise all Summer was reaching for the TV remote
C) I woke up 2 sizes larger in some weird alien shape shifting scenario
D) I put too much of the wrong foods and not enough rabbit food in my mouth every time I opened it
E) all of the above.
She was genuinely perplexed as a naturally skinny woman that another woman would choose to abuse her body in that way. Why would you put yourself through that? Why indeed?
I have no excuses really. I’m lazy, I want to eat lots of goodies and never exercise and still be slim but it doesn’t work like that. My metabolism, probably after years of abuse and yo yo dieting is slower than it needs to be and so short of an intergalactic miracle I need to do something about it. Either that or I need to accept my fat and be happy about it.
I am genuinely asking this now. What is it like to be naturally skinny? To struggle to put on weight? Is it as hard and depressing for you as us fatties?
You say to me “I’ve been so busy today I’ve forgotten to eat” . What’s that like? I’ve never been like that.
From the moment I wake other than being consumed with a desire for the first coffee of the day my next thought is “Ummm surely it’s time for a little smackerel of something? (A la Winnie the Pooh) and then I mentally scan through the cupboards and plan what I am going to have for breakfast. It’s not that I don’t intend to be good , more a case of this
After I have had breakfast my mind starts to wonder hobbit like whether it’s an appropriate time to eat again yet.
Are you understanding me now? I don’t usually give in, I do try to stick to 3 meals a day and healthy snacks blah blah blah but its awful. Are there no shortcuts? Sadly no.
This morning my husband and I tricked our bodies into going for a drive where we were just going to the gym for a nice coffee and a relax. Then when they were lulled into a nice caffeine sense of security we signed up for family gym membership before they could remonstrate with us. It’s for their own good and for the children’s good because we don’t want them growing up with weight and food issues. Now I’m hoping that I am really going to embrace and love the gym but the problem is I feel like this about it and the people that go there….
The other embarrassing thing is I might bump into people I know when I’m hot and sweaty and definitely not looking my best. This makes me want to jump into the pool and hide in the deep end. It’s a vicious circle. Unless I don my swimming costume that is the universal man repellent and actually go swimming I will never look any better than I do now or be any fitter. I might suggest to the pool that Kaftans are making a swimming comeback, they hide a multitude of bodily imperfections and they also double as a handy lilo if you get out of your depth.
When I think about exercising I feel meh. Most exercises fall into one of 2 categories, never tried it but it sort of looks interesting or tried it and hated it. This is why I have no stickability (yes I know that’s not really a word).
I like the idea of running but I’m past the age of 7 and go everywhere by car or shanks so what’s the use? My daughter and I tried it once, after dark. I don’t think I made it to the bottom of the road before my ankles were protesting. I don’t see anything fun in it other than it’s free….