I sometimes dream of running away and starting afresh somewhere new. I imagine setting up home in a place nobody knows me or my family. A chance to be reborn. To meet strangers with no preconceptions of who I am. To reinvent myself.
Sometimes I voice these feelings. I look up new towns and cities on the map and check the prices of house rentals in those areas and look for schools for the children.
It’s all fantasy. I don’t really intend to give flight to these desires. I’m not unhappy or discontent with my life or my friends.
I just occasionally want an out. An escape from who I am.
It’s at times like these I remind myself my life is not fixed. I’m not set in stone or concrete like a tree planted in a gloomy orchard.
I can reinvent myself. I can to an extent recreate myself and the things I enjoy and those things that shape my personality.
After many years of bombarding myself with negative voices of all the things I can’t do I’ve decided to set myself some challenges. Some are longterm and ongoing and others are short term and closer to gratifying.
The problem with dreaming of escaping it all and starting over is you cannot leave yourself behind. As that’s the case you might as well do the best you can with what give been given.
If you’ve always dreamed of baking then bake, of writing then write. Whatever things inspire you and move you and challenge you just try. What have you got to lose other than the negative soundtrack?