Excuse me if I’ve mentioned this before but when I was a lovestruck teenager I had a crush on the same boy for many years.

Tall, dark, handsome and funny he always seemed not only out of my league but out of my possible universe. And yet we were friends and every once in a while there would be miniscule glimpses of hope that there could be something more between us……

But only really in my imagination. It was all very awkward. Every once in a while I would give myself a strict talking to that this romance was never going to happen and would make attempts to distance myself from him. This was practically impossible because we moved in the same social circles and he was the brother of my best friend. More awkwardness.

And in the meantime, convinced that if I only waited long enough we would be together, my heart was breaking more and more.

Oh the delicious angst. I can still feel the echoes of it now.

During one of these particularly angst ridden sessions my girl friend told me “Just smile and put a brave face on it and one day you’ll be able to do it for real” and something clicked inside at her words. I didn’t get over him overnight. I was able though to function better and not be such a gibbering wreck in his presence.

That act of having to consciously compose myself and present myself as fine and uncaring actually helped to soften the blow of my unrequited love.

I could console myself that even if I was heartbroken he would never know it.

It’s not advice I would pass on to someone else because it was appropriate for that specific situation and besides it isn’t really ideal to quash your feelings like that. But it was helpful for that time and situation.

Eventually I removed myself from that situation entirely and went away to college. That was the real healer.



2 thoughts on “The Bravery Smile.

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