When I want your opinion…

If you are anything like me you will have had many foot in mouth moments. By that I mean you will have said the wrong thing at the wrong time or given your opinion when it wasn’t wanted or asked for.

Part of the aging process is not only learning when to converse and the appropriate things to speak about but also learning when to hold back in conversations. I can only speak for myself when I say this is a practised art and not one that comes readily to me. As soon as I’m in conversation with somebody retorts and responses are flying around my brain just waiting for my mouth to give them voice.

I’m beginning to realise that sometimes people just want to vent or be listened to. Too often we try to fix the problem rather than hearing the speaker.
People very rarely want our opinion on something. Often they have already decided what to do on a particular situation. They don’t want to be talked out of it. They just want to be heard and I relate to that because so do I.

The words that wounded me as a child frequently leave my mouth as a parent to my own children. It often seems as if history is destined to repeat itself but that’s not necessarily so. It just takes a little effort on our part to desist.

There are people in my life I cannot hold a simple conversation with. They always want to give me advice or the answers or try to fix me or my situation. This is not what I want. Sadly I’ve had to draw away from having deep relationships with them as it is too frustrating especially when they think they’re right about everything which they can’t possibly be because of course I am! Little joke there obviously. The only one I really want and need to fix me is God.

We all want to have good and solid friendships but they must begin on an equal footing or they will not endure.

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8 thoughts on “When I want your opinion…

  1. I think the dislike of unsolicited advice stems from its prematurity. That is, its often given before the person has finished making their point, and is therefore usually way off the mark. This makes the person speaking frustrated because you dont feel understood or listened to. I know this because I, too, have played both roles and know its equally hard to withold advice when you genuinely feel it will help someone you care about as it is to be given said advice. Another example of God’s twisted sense of humour, maybe?

  2. This is such a wise post! I wish I could pull back some of the words that have carelessly spilled from my mouth. And I want to listen better, as well. My husband is a great role model for me, thankfully. I have had my share of lopsided relationships, but few genuinely “equal” ones.

    1. I wish I could pull many words back too. I suppose the key thing in everything is the golden rule, to treat others as we would wish to be treated. Not always easy to remember in the heat of the moment though!

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