This morning I bought a prom dress for my daughter for her school leavers prom. Nothing unusual in that. Although I do wonder when this whole prom hoopla made its way across the pond. When I was at school we were lucky to get a yearly disco or if they were feeling particularly daring, a barn dance featuring a terrible musical score, some curled up sandwiches and lukewarm own brand pop!
But I digress….

Sometimes I catch myself staring at my eldest daughter in awe . She is so different to how I was at her age. She knows her own mind, what she likes and especially what she doesn’t like. I wonder if this confidence she radiates has anything to do with having 2 loving parents in her life? Or would she have been like this anyway? Obviously I will never know. 

Having come from a single parent home with an absent father who is still  missing in action today, I can’t help but feel a pang for my teenage wallflower self.

As a would be writer though it’s all good source material. Angst and loneliness and insecurity have given me a depth of compassion and empathy that are irreplaceable.

My daughter wouldn’t mind me saying she is a complete fan girl,  a geek, a nerd, all names that seem to now have negative connotations but only really mean you are passionately interested in certain subjects. Traits that I share. We like many of the same authors and books, many of the same television programmes and films. Some I’ve introduced her to and vice versa.

I will never regret being a Mother even though the process of letting them go begins the moment they are born and separated physically from us. They have enriched my life in countless ways. But I will never forget that they are their own people. They have their own dreams and desires and plans.

Whatever they might inherit from me and their Dad we are the ones who have inherited a slightly mad, chaotic, house of love, treasured family times, silly inside jokes, honoured family traditions of our own.

I no longer have to shuffle anxiously at the school disco worrying if I’m good enough. I have a house full of people who think I’m the bees knees and I don’t care if they’re biased!

Till next time.

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