At night I lay awake,
A thousand thoughts cross my mind,
Unfiltered, unattractive, fear inducing.
Who am I now? Am I still me? Or is this a new me? Emerging from a chrysalis of sadness.
I want to go back to how things were. I liked my life. It was comfortable. It was mine.
Now the rules are different , now the goal posts have changed.
I don’t like it. It is like a too small garment bought in anticipation of weight loss, it is like a jumper with a scratchy label that irritates you all day.
It is not me. It is not my life. It is not cosy and warm and comfortable. It is not me.
If I wish really hard can I have my old life back?
Suzanne Rollinson (2015)