Elusive Feelings. (Daily Prompt Haiku)

Elusive Feelings

Are held within the attics

Of our cluttered minds.

Suzi Rollinson (July 2016)



Always be kinder than you feel.

The above quote speaks to me on many levels and is a great life motto.

Not wanting to shatter anyone’s illusions but the truth is, so often I am not kind, I don’t feel kind. I give in to my inner grouch.

My son is sleeping on a bed in our bedroom at the moment. His own bedroom is adjacent to ours but his sleeping in our room is a throwback to the traumatic time of school phobia and anxiety he had last year. One of the last remaining visible vestiges of it. I know it isn’t ideal but I don’t have the heart to force him out until he is ready.

Usually his presence is not an issue but he is very heavy footed and we live in an old house. One of his worries is about being late for school. He normally relies on his iPod alarm to wake him but we’d all forgotten to charge it. So he woke us at 6am to ask if it was time to get up yet, then just as I was drifting back off to sleep crashed his way to the toilet like a herd of elephants.

I’m exaggerating but that’s what it sounded like to my befuddled brain. I woke up with a headache and a seriously bad case of bed hair!

You have to bear in mind he is 11 so he is capable of being quieter.

I managed not to shout at him and merely grunt my displeasure but it took patience I wouldn’t normally have at 6am.

There are people I have to deal with in my day to day life that I really don’t like. They press all the wrong buttons and seem to take great delight in dispensing snide remarks. However much I psyche myself up before seeing them they try my patience to the limit.

They probably feel the same towards me!

The truth is I don’t like to be at logger heads, I try to be kind. I try to consider other people’s feelings and where they are coming from.

So this is my self improvement plan. To think before I speak, to try not to be so easily offended, to not hold grudges for so long. In a nutshell, to forgive.

The Bible says “If it is possible as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone’ (Rom12:18)

What the quote acknowledges is that there will be times we won’t feel kind, we will be frustrated and upset but it’s still good practise to show kindness because it does us good. And of course it heaps burning coals on our enemies heads! In fact I have heard this quote altered to “always be kinder than you feel, it annoys the heck out of people!”.

Think of the situations that could be transformed if we all practised the mantra of being kinder than we felt.

Till next time.

It’s OK to be sad sometimes.

Do you ever experience those moments when things are perfectly fine in your world and yet a wave of sadness sweeps over you?

I do. Not frequently, but I do. These moments give me pause and cause me to examine my heart and feelings.

This sadness feels less like the anti climax of the end of a period of festivity, less the  comedown from a bout of eating junk food, less cyclical in nature.

It just is. It usually comes from nowhere and takes me unawares. You might wonder why I’m discussing this today but why not?
Isn’t it right that occasionally the mask should slip and people be able to see the person within?

If I were to psycho analyse myself I would say that I tend to melancholy anyway. I suppose I am the glass half full person, the worrier, the pessimist .

But knowing that about myself and also believing that my life and times are in the hands of God I try not to give in to those misgivings, to not let them have dominion over me.

Sadness is an emotion we are all prone too and obviously there are different types and different triggers for it.

As I said I’m not speaking of that gut wrenching grief inducing sadness brought on by a major tragedy or a family catastrophe.
I’m also not speaking of the compassionate sadness that draws tears from our eyes over another’s suffering.

I’m talking of that sadness that springs on you at incongruous times, seemingly at odds with your current circumstances.

Another self analysed thought is I’ve lived many years on a fairly neutral plain, not feeling much at all, other than numbness. Now that I am “better” it’s perhaps no wonder that random emotions and feelings pop up from time to time. I think this is also why I flounder when asked how I am, because I don’t always know!

When I feel sad I usually initially think “hmmm, where is that coming from? “. Then I wait to see if the feeling subsides . I try not to speak about it in front of the children because my eldest especially fears my descent into depression again.

I pray about it and tell God how I’m feeling. He made me so He knows me anyway and how I’m feeling but I find it makes me feel better to talk to Him about it.

I take the approach of being careful what I’m reading and listening to and watching in the media etc because that can compound it.

I tell my husband about it if it feels it’s becoming unmanageable and more depression like in nature. Thankfully these moments are infrequent these days.

Lastly, I acknowledge it and give myself permission to feel it. Not as an indulgence more an honesty to myself. I don’t always have to be upbeat, I don’t have to know all the answers, I don’t have to continually wear a mask and neither do you.

It’s OK to be sad sometimes, you don’t have to have it all together . You are not alone.

I believe that our sadness and emptiness can stem from our spiritual vacuum and the fact that we were created to have communion with God, as Adam and Eve walked in the garden of Eden with Him. So it follows that if we try to fill that space with other things we will feel incomplete.

Hey, it’s my blog, so that’s my opinion :-).

Till next time.

PS. Ongoing sadness is different entirely and needs to be checked out.