Halcyon childhood days (Weekly photo prompt)

This week’s photo prompt is Ephemeral or fleeting. I’ve chosen 2 photos. The first depicts the pink babygro that my 2 youngest daughters wore home from hospital after they were born. Now of course it is far too small and is used to dress their dolls instead.


The second photo shows a sofa in their bedroom covered with their current favourite soft toys at the moment. Like most children these come in and out of fashion depending on their moods.



Nighttime protestations.

What is it about darkness and nighttime that magnifies our fears? Is it the blackness? The quiet? The way ordinary, everyday objects acquire mythical, beastly proportions?
Last night, I lay awake for what seemed like several hours. I failed to understand why. We’d been swimming so my body was tired and would normally have fallen asleep easily. I couldn’t put it down to a myriad of thoughts rushing around my brain looking to disembark at different stations either. I wasn’t aware of feeling worried about anything.
Usually the fact I was finding it difficult to sleep the night before a work day would stress me out more but now I realise that I try not to get worked up about it knowing I’ll catch up on my sleep at some point. Although it will mean I’ll have to layer on the make up the next day to pass for vaguely human and not frighten people!

I rarely suffer from insomnia but on the odd occasion I can’t sleep I have a couple of coping mechanisms. I search my thoughts to see if I am worried about something. If so, I pray about it and then make a conscious effort to let go of it until the next day. If this doesn’t work then I try this and it’s a bit weird so you may want to back away slowly. I count, not sheep, to 100 repeatedly. This usually works to send me into the land of nod.

In the end, last night, nothing seemed to work. I lay there in the dark with my eyes closed, willing myself to relax, resisting the urge to check my phone because I knew it would over stimulate me again.

I’m a fairly rational person but nighttime is when my fears attack. I worry about dying and leaving my children motherless, I worry their coughs and colds and sniffles are serious illnesses. I worry about household bills and if we’ll make the rent this month, even though we always do. I think about all the things I’ve yet to finish. I replay conversations and interactions in my mind and examine how I could have played them differently.
I think about how old I am and wonder how many minutes I have left…

I’m sure I’m not alone in this, these deep, morbid thoughts. It’s just there is so much going on during the day these thoughts get swept aside.
Perhaps next time I’ll try a warm glass of milk!

Walls and greenery. (Weekly photo prompt)

The weekly photo prompt is walls. Both of these walls are just outside our house and in the Summer they are ablaze with purple wildflowers. Many consider them weeds but I think they’re beautiful and it always cheers me up coming home to see them.



I love the cragginess and scruffiness of both walls.

Happy weekend all.


Why Fat shaming is Hurtful and unacceptable.

What is going on with all the fat shaming of people in the media lately? Do people think it’s clever? Does it make people feel superior to belittle others or do they believe they are simply telling it or calling it as it is?
Katie Hopkins criticised the singer Kelly Clarkson for still carrying some of her baby weight a year later. A larger man was criticised on social media by a group of despicable men (in my opinion) for possessing the sheer audacity of wanting to dance and enjoy himself and then suffered the indignity of having his photos paraded on social media in an attempt to shame him for being heavier than they felt was socially acceptable.
The man’s dejection was captured in one of those pictures when he realised people were pointing and laughing at him and it is an image that will stay with me and touch my heartstrings for a long time.
You see I’ve been that man (not literally obviously) but I’ve been a fat person and am still overweight or maybe under tall! At my smallest I was a size 10, at my biggest a size 22. Let me tell you, speaking from personal experience, we don’t need to be shamed. The majority of us already despise ourselves for being unable to manage our weight without other people commenting on it.

For those women who say they are big and happy I salute you and your confidence although I don’t know anyone personally who feels that way.

For those who say if you don’t like being overweight do something about it, eat less, move more, the vast majority of us are trying to. The problem with this approach is it is only a partial solution and doesn’t examine the nitty gritty of why we over eat.

I have been a member of our local gym for the last year and gone quite regularly apart from gaps for sickness etc but I probably only weigh a little less than when I began. In my situation I still eat too much.

Each day, as larger women we are bombarded on all sides with society’s ideals of what a woman should look like and in a world where a size 12 is now considered plus size you can understand how we feel irked sometimes and unattractive.

Every day an emotional eater or a larger person faces a battlefield of obstacles to be overcome. We may be trying to diet and eat healthily, we may succeed at breakfast time and lunch time and then come home and completely undo all the good work we have done by bingeing or snacking. Why? Perhaps boredom or  a sly dig about our appearance or life that someone has seen fit to throw our way. The thing is over eating doesn’t make sense to us either but we don’t know how to over come it. It is a vicious circle because we then despise ourselves for being weak and blowing our healthy eating and because of that we eat some more.
There are no easy answers just some good and not so good days. Isn’t it time we showed ourselves and others a little kindness? Given the fact we are all fighting our own unseen battles and with all the real important events going on in the world wouldn’t it just be good to accept people as they are?
And I’ll leave you with this quote from Pinterest.


How not to make friends and influence people (Poem)

Welcome to our little get together
Please pick up your mask at the door
Please don’t tell us how you’re feeling
That’s not what we’re gathered for.

Please don’t be high maintenance
Or need us more than once
We would like to help you 
But on our own conditions.

Please always wear a smile
And be positive
Please don’t attempt deep conversation Please select one of our socially acceptable pre-ordained small talk topics.

Please remember we don’t want to know how you are
We ask merely to be polite
We want to see you as it suits us
And finally, please, please don’t be yourself.

There is only room in the inner circle for those who are exactly like us.

Suzanne Rollinson (2015)